Love is Forever
by spikey666
Summary: READ AND FIND OUT!! B/A!!
1. Default Chapter

Authors note: New fic as you can see. Not too sure where it is going so I might take longer to update! Thanks Tariq for the ideas etc etc.  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 1  
  
It's very dark. Now when I say dark I mean can't see your hand in front of your face dark. I walk forwards, trying to imagine what is likely to be lurking nearby.  
  
"Hello?" I call out to the darkness that just seems to suck up my words and swallow them whole, never to be heard again.  
  
I turn left and I can see a faint glimmer of light. Very faint glimmer of light. So naturally, I start walking towards it. As it grows larger, I notice that I am now stood in a corridor, the type of corridor that you would see in a hotel. The décor reminds me of an old 1950's flick that is always on television around Christmas when everybody is tired and full of turkey.  
  
The walls are covered in a dark, red/burgundy paper with swirls of a paler cream pattern over the top of it. I look down and notice that I'm walking on dark carpet patterned with cream coloured diamonds to match the patterned walls.  
  
210. 209. 208. 207. 206.  
  
Now I'm passing solid oak doors with shiny gold numbers on the front. This is defiantly a hotel.  
  
There's a lift at the end of the corridor. Instinctively I step inside and press "Ground Floor." And the doors shut. There's a whir of noise and slowly the lift starts to descend with an ominous clunking sound. Finally there's a PING and the doors open, revealing the ground floor lobby.  
  
Directly opposite is a curved desk that starts half way across the room and curves around to the other side. In the centre there's a seating area, with the odd potted plant here and there. The entrance is made of large oaken doors that hold exquisite designs that seem to be carved by hand.  
  
I approach the desk cautiously and peer over the edge to the desk behind. A man is seated there, he is dressed for modern times, and his thick black hair is spiked up in a manner of its own. He is reading a book, the title of which I can't see but on the page there's an obvious design of a demon, it's head reared back in a terrible howl.  
  
"Hello?" I try once more.  
  
He does not answer me but looks up, his own blue gaze piecing into my hazel eyes.  
  
"Wesley?" I instantly recognise the man, but yet he is very different from when I last saw him. Instead of the stuffy watcher exterior, he now looks rugged and grim and somewhat defiantly less watcher-ish.  
  
Finally I give in trying to get a response from Wesley and walk around the desk to look at the many files that are spread across the desks. Picking up one I notice that it holds the name of the hotel.  
  
"The Hyperion."  
  
A hand reaches out and grabs my wrist tightly, his grip is fierce. I look up and see Wesley stood before me. I frown at this sudden movement when he starts to speak:  
  
"He needs help."  
  
What?  
  
I see a small room situated just beyond one of the desks. I step towards it and look inside to see a more office type room, with a large leather seat and another desk covered in files.  
  
A man is sat at this desk, but I do not have to look at him twice to know who he is.  
  
It's Angel.  
  
He looks up at me and I take a step back, catching hold of the doorframe as I do so. His face looks rotten, his skin peeling from his bones and a twisted look of fear creeps across his face.  
  
"Buffy." He almost pleads, lifting his hand out to me.  
  
I lean forward to take it although I do so in fear of what might happen. Instant ice runs up my arm and the next thing I know I am thrown into water, ice-cold water.  
  
I look above me and see the surface so far away and know I cannot reach it. My lungs would not last that long.  
  
I turn right and a steel box rises beside me from the depths of the ocean. I swim towards it and look inside the interior through the glass panel on the front. I gasp at what's inside.  
  
I sit bolt up right in my bed and gasp for air as panic slowly starts to fade as I realise where I am, that I am safe. I look around and catch the eye of Mr Gordo and some how relief sweeps across my skin.  
  
Then I think back to the dream I just had. What was in that box? That was the third time this week I have dreamt the same dream always ending the same way. Just a steel box at the bottom of the Ocean, it's contents never quite revealed to me yet I know it is bad.  
  
And why is Angel involved? More to the point, why is Wesley involved? It's been a long time since I've dreamt of Angel but still it isn't new to me that I am dreaming about him. As for Wes, there's no explanation for why I would dream of the old watcher.  
  
So I lie back in my bed and contemplate sleep once more. Problem with sleep is once you've had a dream like I have just had, it is unlikely that you will get back to sleep, due to the worry of falling back into that dream.  
  
That is what I worry about now. If I sleep I will see his face again, that perfect angelic face that has greeted me so many times will turn into a rotten mess of decomposed flesh and the acrid smell of death will linger in my nostrils.  
  
I roll to the side and turn to look out the window; the stars still shine in the sky although in the distance, I can see the sun's glow starting to slowly peek over the horizon. I smile as I think of Angel. What is he doing now? No doubt returning from yet another solved case to fall into a gentle sleep as the sun rises.  
  
****** Ocean near LA  
  
"Buffy." I can see her face before me, her beautiful face smiling at me as I lean in to take her hand.  
  
My hand hits solid glass.  
  
My eyes start to focus on the glass and I watch as a small fish darts in front of the glass. Since when do fish swim in air?  
  
Wait, no. I'm still in the ocean aren't I?  
  
With a groan I let my head fall back against the steel box that I am lain in with a clunk. For days I had been imagining her, walking into my office and taking my hand. For days I have seen her, swim passed my cold prison and see me, see my skinny form as I rot away inside this steel box.  
  
If only my dreams were true, if only someone knew I was stuck down here with no one to help me and no way of escaping.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	2. Watery Grave

Authors note: Do you know how hard it is to write longer chaps? Well now I realised how hard it actually is!! Anyway this is way longer than my normal chaps so I hope you enjoy the length of it!!!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 2  
  
A thin layer of sweat glistens across my body as I sit, curled amongst my bed sheets. There he was again, the rotten face of Angel staring at me in fear. Why was I dreaming this?  
  
Deciding that I would no longer sleep, I rose from my bed and made my way slowly down the staircase to the numerous phone books piled up near the phone. Don't ask me how we had a directory for LA, just something to do with Giles no doubt.  
  
Slowly I flick through the hotel sections till finally I find what I have been looking for.  
  
THE HYPERION - Angel Investigations. We help the helpless!  
  
I stared blankly at the page. Angel? Angel investigations? As in my Angel? As in vampire with a soul Angel?  
  
I take a look at the clock beside the phone; it's 5 in the morning. I look back at the book and slowly take in the number to this hotel. How stupid am I? I can't just ring up Angel! What am I going to say if he picks up the phone? 'Oh hi Angel, just had a dream that you were in mortal danger, just checking your OK because my insano head thinks your stuck in the ocean!' Damn he'll think I've gone nuts.  
  
I pick up the phone anyway and start dialling in the numbers 0 - 2. Nope I can't do it! I can't ring him. I haven't spoken to him in a long time other than when I went to see him after my death, which wasn't exactly a good moment.  
  
So I replace the handset.  
  
An hour passes and I must have picked up and replaced the handset over a dozen times. My hands were tense, my finger begged to push the numbers and ring Angel. Finally my head gave in and let my heart take over.  
  
I pick up the phone and dial the number advertised. One look at the clock and it's 6 in the morning, hope their up early.  
  
"Hello?" A faint female voice answers the phone. "Uh Angel investigations how can I help you?" Also very sleepy it seems.  
  
"Uh, is Angel there?"  
  
There's a pause. A really long pause.  
  
"N-No sorry, he uh, he can't talk right now.  
  
"Oh, ok. Do you know when he will be available?"  
  
"No sorry." Her voice falls quite, almost to a whisper. "To be honest he's missing." She listens to the gasp at the other end of the phone. "Uh not to worry though, I'm sure he'll be back. No doubt he's out saving another soul and hasn't told us." Was that panic I can hear in her voice? Is there doubt mixed in with fear?  
  
"Ok, Bye." I need to get to LA. Something was wrong and Angel wouldn't have just disappeared without telling anyone or there being a good reason.  
  
I paced the house until 7 not really wanting to wake Willow out of her deep slumber. But finally I could not take it any longer and I had to tell my best friend my plans and that she needed to look after Dawn while I was gone.  
  
"Will?" I knock and enter the room.  
  
"What?" Came a groggy answer.  
  
"I have to go away to LA"  
  
"WHAT!" That had her awake. "Why? How? It's Angel right?"  
  
"Pretty much yeah." Was all I could say.  
  
"Don't worry about Dawn, you go." Concern flowed over her face which I am sure reflected my own feelings.  
  
******  
  
I take another look at the map. Yes here I was The Hyperion. I step out of the car and slowly make my way up the driveway. What am I going to say? I open the front door and walk in.  
  
"Hello?" I call out into the vast lobby.  
  
"Well, hello" A short African American walks towards me from behind that desk. The curved one from my dream.  
  
"Uh hi." I repeat  
  
"How may I help you." He looks me up and down with a satisfied smile.  
  
"Is Angel around?" I ask praying that he says yes.  
  
Panic enters his eyes. "What ever the problem is, I'm sure I can help you miss - eh?"  
  
"Buffy." I smile. "I need to see Angel."  
  
"Buffy? As in Buffy the slayer gal?"  
  
"The one and only. Kinda."  
  
"How can you be the slayer your so - small?" He walks up to me and regards my appearance once more.  
  
He said I was small. He is sooo going to pay for that.  
  
With one movement I have him pinned to the ground face down, one arm held against his back.  
  
"That good enough proof for you?" I ask with a smile.  
  
"Yeah! Now get your hands off of me lady!" Instantly I let him go and he stands, holding his head high as if I've damaged his male pride for life.  
  
"Anyway, who are you?"  
  
"Charles Gunn. You can call me just Gunn."  
  
"Like to tell me where Angel is now, or am I going to have to pin you down again?"  
  
"Whoa there, there's going to be no pinning." He holds his hands up submissively. "As for Angel, we really don't know where he is."  
  
I look back questionably.  
  
He continues: "About a month back he completely disappeared, said he was going out to see Cordelia next thing we know Poof! The two of them disappear out of no where."  
  
Panic surges through my body as I think about my dreams. He really was in danger.  
  
"Where's Wes?" I receive an evil glare.  
  
"We don't say that name anymore." His voice was harsh and bitter.  
  
I look back at him. "Listen Gunn, I've driven all the way from Sunnydale to make sure Angel is Ok cause I've been dreaming some weird things lately. I need to see Wesley Ok?"  
  
"He's at his apartment probably." He turns his back and reaches over the desk to pick up his address.  
  
"Thank you." I nod and smile, turning away from him and making my way out of the building.  
  
******  
  
*Knock Knock*  
  
I wait patiently as I hear someone shuffling around inside the room.  
  
"What?" An impatient voice swung open the door.  
  
I stare in disbelief of the man stood in front of me. I could hardly recognise him.  
  
"Buffy?" He instantly recognises me, I probably haven't changed much though.  
  
"You look like - "  
  
"Shit? I know." He answers stepping away from the door to let me in.  
  
There's a long awkward silence that just begs me to scream into it.  
  
"What brings you to LA?" I can tell he isn't really that interested but at least he is trying.  
  
"Angel."  
  
"Typical." He mumbles under his breath.  
  
"I've been dreaming Wes, I think I know where he might be."  
  
"I think I already know." He sounds a little more interested.  
  
"Ocean? Big steel like crate?" I pray I can help.  
  
"My thoughts exactly." He answers with a small smile.  
  
******  
  
As we drive he fills me in, tells me how he has been searching for Angel since he had gone, how he found someone who told him where he was. Then he recalled to me how he had searched the sea for the steel crate, but so far he has been unable to obtain it.  
  
"Wes?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why is Gunn so mad at you?"  
  
Instantly he falls silent and clams up like a big giant clam. "Just a disagreement."  
  
"Over what?"  
  
"Nothing." Well that nothing sounds like something to me. But I chose to let it drop. And anyway, I can now see the dockside coming into view.  
  
Moments later we have started yet another search across the vast blue water. For the first few hours there is nothing, not a single thing but then there it was. A huge steel crate rising from the depths of the ocean, could this be Angel's icy grave?  
  
Slowly I watch in anticipation as the crate is hoisted onto the deck. Seaweed sticks to it like glue and there are patches of rust appearing on the metal due to the salt water.  
  
I step back and lean against the side of the boat. Somehow I find myself wishing and praying that Angel isn't inside, that he somehow is back on land, safe.  
  
But then there's the other part of me that is hoping that he is inside, praying that he is ok, that nothing bad has happened.  
  
My mouth dries out as I watch Wesley approach the crate. He looks at me and nods his head slightly. Very slightly.  
  
I lunge forward, throwing my hands onto the side of the crate and peering into the glass front. There he is, lying inside babbling to himself. Shit it doesn't look good.  
  
Everything moves slowly as I watch Wes open up the crate and reach inside to help Angel out. He doesn't even realise what's going on. Then he looks at me, sending chills through my body.  
  
******  
  
Why are they doing this to me? Why do they give me such images and false hope? So I'm dreaming again, but this dream is different from the others - It feels so much more real.  
  
Wes is helping me out of the crate, which for one thing I know is going to be false after the way I have treated him, almost tried to kill him. Then Buffy is there, looking at me with those green eyes and it hurts more than I can ever imagine.  
  
I cry out in anguish as I wish for these images to stop, wish for this nightmare to be over. Reaching my hand out I grab the nearest throat and squeeze, squeezing the life out of these stupid hallucinations.  
  
******  
  
Wes starts to turn a bad shade of red. Instantly I shout at Angel to let him go but I receive no response. So I place my hand on his arm and make him look at me.  
  
"No." I whisper as if he was a toddler that had hold of a hamster in his fist.  
  
He releases Wesley and with one last look at me he passes out, unconscious, hitting the deck with an earth-shattering thud.  
  
"Thank.You." Wes manages to get out between heavy breaths.  
  
"That's ok." I smile. "What do we do next?"  
  
"Get him some blood I suppose, he hasn't eaten in a long time." I look down at his face once more and can see the rotten flesh for real. It shudders me to think that I had been dreaming about this for weeks, thinking it was just a stupid dream but all along he had been suffering, deep down in his watery grave.  
  
We go below deck, supporting Angel between the two of us. It's amazing how heavy a man can weigh, even for a slayer. Wes clears a table, placing Angel across it and walks over to a small fridge in the corner, taking out a jar of blood.  
  
"This will have to do for now." And slowly I watch as Wes feds my Angel.  
  
******  
  
I watch him stir on the table and instantly I am at his side, my hand reaching for his.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Angel." I answer, smiling down at him as I realise he recognises me.  
  
"Your not real." Sudden disappointment enters his eyes.  
  
"Yes I am Angel, I am real."  
  
"No your not!" His voice rises above mine and he refuses to look at me.  
  
"Angel look at me!" I grab hold of him and he looks into my eyes.  
  
"I AM REAL." One tear starts to make its way down my cheek.  
  
I hear Wesley enter and I turn to look at him. "He needs human blood." Wesley's voice sounds tired. "Pass me that knife, he can have some of mine."  
  
"No, I'll do it." I bend over Angel and look into his eyes. "Come on baby, just take a little"  
  
******  
  
She is offering me her blood. What kind of hallucination is this? I brush a piece of hair away from her face and realise this isn't a dream, this is real. I am no longer touching glass.  
  
"No." I whisper.  
  
"Take it." Her voice is stern; I know she won't back down.  
  
So slowly I allow the demon out however much it hurts me to do so. Why am I so tired? Oh yeah no food for about a billon years.  
  
I bite down on her warm soft flesh, re-opening the scar that was there from before. Her blood tastes sweet and unique, so full of strength and power. Soon I find myself gaining her strength and I bite harder and harder, taking in great mouthfuls of the rich slayer blood.  
  
"Angel." Her voice is so quieting so meek. Instantly I realise why, I am taking too much.  
  
I release her and luckily Wes catches her as she falls, weak from the amount of blood loss. "Buffy!" I attempt to get up in a panic.  
  
"No Angel, lie down, she's fine." Wesley places a hand on my shoulder, but still I cannot help feeling guilty.  
  
I close my eyes and think back to that day, the day I was going to meet Cordelia and tell her that I love her. Now I know I cannot love Cordelia. All that time in that box, I have realised that Buffy is my only love and having her here with me, proves to me how much I need her, how much I still love her.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	3. Pain

Chap 3  
  
I stir, I can feel the soft mattress beneath my body and I know I am in Angel's room. I can just smell him. Now I can smell him? Ew, I'm getting as bad as he is with the scent thing.  
  
I stand slowly and wait for the room to stop spinning and my stomach to stop lurching as if I was on a roller coaster. I start to walk down the corridor and I instantly recognise the décor from my dreams. But this corridor was on a different level.  
  
At the end of the corridor there was a long winding staircase and from where I was stood I could hear voices floating towards me from downstairs. Slowly I leaned over the banister, hidden by a concrete pillar that rose from the ground.  
  
"You're too weak to take me." An unfamiliar voice drifts from Angel's office.  
  
"You really think that?" Angel sounds serious. I creep a little closer, taking one step at a time and gripping the banister for fear of falling. My head is still spinning from the blood loss.  
  
"So - how was your summer? Mine was fun. Saw some fish. Went mad with hunger. Hallucinated a whole bunch." This hurt more than I could imagine. Just to think that I could have stopped this if I had been here earlier.  
  
"You deserved worse." At those words I feel my fists clench. What kind of a bastard is Angel talking to?  
  
The conversation continues and I listen intently to it. Holtz? Who is Holtz? The next line really interests me.  
  
I hear chairs moving and then a body being thrown against the wall. "Daddy's not finished talking." Angel has now come up with a pet name, cute. Defiantly something I thought he wouldn't do.  
  
******  
  
My Son. My bastard of a son locked me in a steel crate and sent me to the bottom of the Ocean. One thing was on my mind now. Although I no longer loved Cordelia, I care for her as if she was part of my family.  
  
"Wesley told me everything that's been going on. So, as far as I'm concerned what you *deserve* rests on one answer" I lean in closer to Conner, my face almost touching his own, I can almost smell the fear "Did you do something to Cordelia?"  
  
Images were flying through my head. If this is what he has done to me, imagine what he has done to Cordelia.  
  
He looks me in the eye and says "No" and instantly I can see the truth buried deep inside past the evil and hatred. I ignore the snide comments made by Gunn and Fred and tell my son I love him but he has to go, he has to get out of my house.  
  
Once he has disappeared from my view I turn and look at the base of the stair where I see you stood, mouth open in a look of shock.  
  
"Buffy you all right?" Fred is quickly at her side and I see the look of bafflement cross your face.  
  
"Yeah, I think."  
  
"We need to talk." It's got to be done.  
  
"Seems like we do." You sigh and give a little wobble, catching yourself against the banister. I start to run towards you but Gunn reaches you first and signals me to sit down.  
  
"You've done enough today, rest." He was right and I knew it. My legs gave way and I found a comfortable seat beneath me.  
  
******  
  
It wasn't long before I awoke and found you at my side. Your hunched form leaning forward over your body in your usual brooding manner.  
  
"Hey." I mutter sitting up slightly in your warm bed.  
  
"Hey." Instantly you look at me, concern fills your dark pools for eyes.  
  
"I'm okay." I interrupt before you start asking questions. "You want to tell me about this boy then?" I look down and start fiddling with the edge of the quilt.  
  
"Conner." You sigh I can I see how much it hurts just to say his name. "He's my son Buffy"  
  
Instantly I burst out laughing. How hysterical is that! Angel's got a son; wow he really is a good actor too, look at him looking at me with confusion on his face.  
  
"Nice one Angel, you really had me going for a second."  
  
Confusion continues to remain across his face and then suddenly it darkens and he becomes more serious.  
  
"Your not joking are you." My eyes fly open in shock.  
  
"No - "  
  
"How? What? Why? When? He looks about 19 Angel, when did you plan on telling me about him? You certainly didn't mention him when we were together in Sunnydale! I can't believe you've lied to me all this time!"  
  
"Well if you let me - "  
  
"I thought vampires couldn't have children anyway!"  
  
"Buff-"  
  
"So who is SHE then? Tell me!"  
  
"BUFFY LISTEN TO ME!" He roared with anger, which caused me to sink deeper into the bed.  
  
"Ok, jeez." I mutter under my breath.  
  
"He was only born a few months ago." I made a look to protest but he glared back which instantly made me silent. "I had sex with Darla and for some strange incomprehensible reason, we got a son out of it."  
  
"So where is that bitch now then"  
  
"Dead."  
  
"Again?"  
  
"Yes, again." He sighs. "Conner was kidnapped from me and taken to another dimension."  
  
"Time difference huh?"  
  
"Yea you could say that"  
  
"And now he has come back to kill his father?"  
  
"Well not kill. More like torture."  
  
"Oh."  
  
******  
  
I don't know what to say to you to make it better. I know this must be hurting more than I could imagine. All I want to do is reach out and hold you but I can see your anger as clear as day.  
  
I reach out to place my hand upon yours. "Don't touch me." You flinch away and I watch as a silent tear creeps down your cheek.  
  
"Buffy, it meant nothing."  
  
"But you still did though didn't you. You still had sex with Darla." Hang on a second. We aren't even together!  
  
"We weren't together Buffy." I try to say it quietly.  
  
"What a way to kick me when I'm down." You glare in response. "So who put Angelus back in his place then? Wesley? Gunn? Cordelia?"  
  
"He didn't appear. It wasn't perfect happiness Buffy. I only ever had that with you."  
  
"Still isn't making it any better though is it Angel."  
  
"Why are you so mad at me? You saying you never had sex with Riley?" I'm getting angry now. What gives her the right to have a go at me?  
  
A silence fills the room as I await an answer. "Fine, I see your point but still Angel, you have a son."  
  
"And you moved on!"  
  
We have proper tears now. Great droplets start to cascade down her smooth skin. Please let me hold you; please let me take away the pain.  
  
"Leave." Your voice was quiet but stern. I knew you meant it.  
  
"No Buffy, not until we have sorted this out."  
  
"Fine, then I'll leave." You pull back the covers and swing your legs out of the side of the bed, you make a move to stand but I rise out of my chair, blocking you from leaving.  
  
"You're not leaving either." My voice sounds bitter although I don't mean it to.  
  
"Get out of my way." You tell me through gritted teeth.  
  
"No Buffy."  
  
Your stood so close to me, it would be so easy for me to reach and kiss you but I won't, I can't.  
  
You place a hand on my chest and push forcefully but still I stand my ground, not letting you pass me. The hand turns into a fist and is soon joined by the other as you start to pummel my chest. Luckily for me, you're only doing it half heartedly.  
  
Tears start again, as I feel you grow weaker and your punches become less frequent. I take the risk. It's now or never.  
  
I lift my arms around you and bring your body into mine, holding you as close as humanly possible. At first I feel the tension whiz through your body but I continue to hold you until finally you relax in my embrace. Your small hands grip the front of my shirt and you bury your head in my chest and the crying continues. I look upwards at the ceiling and will my eyes not to deceive me and let my own pain flow down onto my pale skin.  
  
I rub your back and mutter small words of comfort although I know you can either not hear me or you have no wish to listen to what I have to say anymore. Your body feels so warm against mine and I want this moment to last forever, so I can forever hold you in my arms and protect you from the harsh world outside.  
  
*~* Please read and review!!!! *~* 


	4. Hunger

Authors note: Sorry guys! It been a while huh? Well I been on holiday and been thinking things through and I'm digging myself yet more holes that I won't be able to struggle out of but hey! What's new! Anyway, I hope you like this update!  
  
Here goes.  
  
Chap 4  
  
It seemed like hours had passed yet still I clung to him as if, if I'd let him go, I'd plunge into a dark emptiness for eternity. His hand rested in the centre of my lower back and seemed to emit a calming heat through my body, ironic as it might seem. Here he was, my Angel, stood before me, his powerful arms encircling me and protecting me from the world. My tears subsided and all I could hear was the quiet hiss of comfort that Angel tried to re-assure me with. I took this time to think things through. Angel had a son? Darla had tried to change him back to Angelus? More to the point, he had had sex with Darla? This caused more surges of pain and sadness and my whole body tensed to counter-act yet more tears that threatened to repeat their journey down my face.  
  
I could tell he felt the tension as he pulled me closer and rubbed his hand more forcefully up and down my back. How does he know what to do when I feel so. Upset? Over 200 years of practice I suppose.  
  
So now I take time to revel in this embrace. I breathe in deeply and smell that familiar Angel smell that is unique to him, that smell of outdoors and protectiveness that I always smell when he is nearby. Then there is him. His muscles that ripple under my touch, his powerful shoulders and fierce yet angelic face. Then there's his eyes. Those powerful dark orbs that make you melt with just one look. They seem to flash with concern and glitter with worry and old love that I could still see. I stress on the "old" part though. What should I expect? I mean he has slept with Darla. He'd moved on, just like I have.  
  
Or have I?  
  
******  
  
And so the sobs subside and quietly I thank god. The pain of hearing her tears is unbearable and all I can do is try to soothe the pain so maybe mine can fade. How could I ever think that I could love anyone other than this beautiful creature that I hold in my arms? It hurts so badly to be this close to her, my slayer, that I want to lay down and die. To be touching her body with my own takes all my self control to stop me kissing her, stop me wanting her. Most nights I dream of this moment to once again be close to Buffy. I'd imagine different ways of us meeting.  
  
My favourite used to be me stepping out into the sunlight and watching as her face turns from pure horror to complete happiness as she runs towards me and kisses me like on that dreaded day. But all good things come to an end for then as our lips met, I'd hear an ear-splitting shriek and drop to my knees in agony, glancing up to see my love fading away before my eyes and I can do nothing to prevent it.  
  
It had to be said, I had never thought of us meeting like this and I never had intended for her to find out about my son this way. But still, deep down, I welcomed it. Even though now pain burned throughout my body and need grew stronger inside a strange calm seemed to relax my muscles as I felt her body against mine. A dangerous calm.  
  
I breathed in the sweet smell of her hair and brought the hand that I had rested on her back and placed it at the back of her head, allowing her hair to flow through my fingers like golden silk strands. This instantly made her look at me due to the sudden movement and just by looking at her I could tell I was forgive. For now anyway.  
  
I smile down at her and pray to get a similar response and luckily for me a flicker of warmth enters her eyes and a smile spreads across her face. My heart jolts and suddenly I feel an uncanny yet magnetic pull forcing my body down towards hers. I feel her arms move from my back and wrap themselves lazily around my neck and I take a moment to stare into her hazel eyes. Suddenly her lips become the centre of my attention and unconsciously I lick my own almost in anticipation. Next thing I know, my lips are but inches away from hers, our noses are almost touching and I can feel her warm breathe against my cheek. God, I've waited so long for this, just a few inches closer and I can once more remember that delicious taste and texture that is only hers.  
  
*Knock, Knock*  
  
I curse inwardly as we both pull apart and for once I am glad I am dead as I watch Buffy start to blush profusely.  
  
"What is it?" I ask through gritted teeth.  
  
"Uh, I thought Buffy maybe hungry and we've ordered some pizza in if she wants some?" Came the small hesitant answer that could only mean it was Fred. Although I knew she was trying to help I could help but feel a slight bit of hatred for her at this moment for if it weren't for her, Buffy and I may be kissing right now.  
  
"I'll be down in a sec." Buffy answers, her eyes struggling not to look at me.  
  
******  
  
What had just happened? Had Angel and I been incredibly close to kissing? Yep we had and if it weren't for Fred, we'd probably be kissing right now. Well then, thank god for Fred! Cause me and Angel kissing is defiantly not a good combination. I mean kissing will lead to the wanting more, which will lead to the soul issue, which will eventually lead to heartbreak and disaster. Either way I'll end up having to back off and leave once more or BOOM! Angelus will appear and ravage this world once more. Both things are not what I want to be doing right now.  
  
So I take one last heartbreaking look at Angel and decide that I am hungry and that this would be a good time to break for a snack. Jesus, if that is going to happen again, I think I should build a brick wall between us and yell through it. I know I want him more than anything in the world, but I can't stand the unbearable pain that he puts me through. I can't take the pain any longer.  
  
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	5. Desire

Chap 5  
  
3 simple words. That's all it is. 3 fucking words. I'm over two hundred years old and I can't say 3 words. I LOVE YOU. Now how hard is that? 3 words that's all. Now that isn't exactly rocket science.  
  
Dark blonde flowing hair, cascades off her head like a glistening waterfall as I watch her gracefully move around the kitchen, cutting a slice of pizza and getting a glass of water. She is so beautiful. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  
  
All I want to do is yell I love you. To stand on the top of the highest building and scream to the heavens my undying love for the Slayer, my slayer. But I can't. Time has past, we have changed.  
  
Yet still I follow her like a puppy dog, coming to heel when she says, I'm at her every beck and call. If she told me to lick the floor clean, I'm pretty sure I would at least consider it.  
  
We were so close to kissing. So very close. But we pulled away and I watched her eyes change to horror as she realised the situation. But why horror? It's just me; I mean it isn't like she hasn't kissed me before. Is someone waiting for her back home?  
  
As I think of her with another man, I feel my whole body tense with frustration. God damn my curse. But if I didn't have the curse would she still be alive? Or would I have slaughtered her and fed her to the minions?  
  
The thought of her blood on my hands makes my stomach churn let alone the thought of it drizzling down the back of my throat, lingering on my tongue as it made its way inside me. A hand on my arm drags me out of these horrifying thoughts.  
  
"You ok?" It's Buffy.  
  
"Yeah fine." What am I supposed to tell her? 'I'm just thinking about drinking your blood, don't worry about it.'  
  
Her hand still stays on my arm and I fight all urges to kiss her. It needs to be on her terms not mine. If she wants it that way, she'll make the move. I think. Silently I start praying that she'll break contact with me.  
  
Yet still her hand remains.  
  
"While you're here, we haven't done any training in a while. Want to test yourself?" Nice one Angel like your not sexually frustrated enough. You didn't think about the close bodily involvement did you. Dumbass.  
  
"Yeah sure." She smiles and I can help but smile in return.  
  
******  
  
We enter the room in the basement and I smile. He was always one for keeping fit and this room proves it all. Everywhere I look there is all the equipment a slayer could ever need.  
  
I watch as he slowly pulls his black t-shirt over his skin and loosely drops it to the ground revealing his, tight muscular frame to me. This makes me look away. Suddenly I find myself drawn to him. I want to lick that chest.  
  
I look down and concentrate on taking my shoes off and then my jacket. I am so going to kick his ass for making me feel like that.  
  
"Sure you can take me?" His voice calms me yet I scowl at his words.  
  
"What makes you think I can't kick your ass now Angel? I did the last time we fought." I think back and remember that session. His body rubbing against mine until it turned out to be more of a make out session than a training session.  
  
"Don't kid yourself Buffy! I let you win last time cause you gave me the puppy dog eyes."  
  
I smile at him and take a few steps towards him. Instantly he changes to a fight stance yet I still continue to pace towards him, letting him relax his guard and question my movements with his eyes. I pout and flicker my eyes at him, changing my green eyes instantly to a puppy dog look.  
  
At first he relaxes and I take the opportunity to kick high, catching him in the chest and sending him flying to the ground. I smile triumphantly and turn my back to pace to the other side of the room.  
  
******  
  
I lie on the floor in shock. How dare she use her look on me! I leap up and give chase, noticing her first weakness of turning her back to me. I lunge for her waist, dragging her down to the ground, leaving her in a pile on a mat.  
  
I stand and take a few steps backwards giving her room to stand. She fills the room with her presence and beauty. God I love her.  
  
******  
  
The ground is hard beneath me and silently I curse. What had Giles always taught me? Never turn your back on the enemy. To the side of me I notice two swords; similar to the ones we used to fight to the death all those years ago.  
  
I reach out and grab one quickly, spinning and leaping to my feet, throwing the other one to Angel. With a clink, I already find myself blocking a possibly fatal move.  
  
With a whirr of movement, we fight. Sword to sword, stepping left and right, leaping over each other in almost a choreograph type scene. Amazingly neither of us is hurt by the sharp blades that cut the air so viciously. With one flick of my hand I disarm him and stand, taking this moment to pause for breath.  
  
"Had enough slayer?" He smiles. He has no need to breathe.  
  
"Never." I smile in return, taking note of his now glistening body.  
  
I let the sword drop to the floor and it shatters the silence with a loud clang. My eyes stay staring into Angel's as I try to guess his next move, try to decide what he is going to do next.  
  
Hand in hand we fight, kicking, punching each of us blocking the other and replying with the same force. If I had to fight him for real, I know I might not live. He is strong and fast and unbelievably he does not tire easily. I can feel my muscles slowly starting to ache, causing me to slow my responses.  
  
He senses it. I can see it in his eyes. There's a glint of mischief and suddenly he lunges forward, burying the tips of his fingers against my ribs causing me to start to squirm hysterically as the tickling continues.  
  
"No - Angel - Stop!" I try to push him away but the mixture of laughter and tiredness that has started to pass over my body cripples me. My hands find his and I grip on tight, holding him still.  
  
He stops moving and I find myself pressed up against his hard body, breathing in once again that Angel smell. His chest is smooth, and the muscles ripple underneath it as I place a fascinated hand in the centre of his chest, not even thinking what I was doing.  
  
I look up at him and he smiles but his eyes show that he is confused, not sure what I am about to do. What am I doing? I try to pull my hand away from his beautiful skin, but I can't, I won't.  
  
I find myself drawn to him like a magnet, fascinated by his body and I desire to be close to him. Tiredness seeps over my body and I lean my forehead against his firm chest.  
  
"May - " I place a finger on his lips to stop the rest of the sentence from staining this moment.  
  
Cool hands wrap themselves around my body, holding me tight. God I love you more than life itself. I look up and notice the familiar love in his eyes and smile, reflecting the look back at him.  
  
And before I can make another move his lips are against mine in a flash of passion and need. His hands roam wildly up my back and deep hungry kisses travel across my skin.  
  
"God Buffy - I missed you" His voice is husky and deep, and soon I find myself wanting him more and more.  
  
"Me - too." My lips are back against his, my tongue tracing the lining of his lips, tasting and remembering.  
  
We slow down and the kisses become soft and gentle, each of us exploring the other, remembering how it used to be.  
  
******  
  
I can't believe I have her in my arms. My Buffy is here, against my cold skin, pressing her lips against mine in sweet sweet kisses. I don't care if there's an apocalypse, I don't care if the world needs me, this is all I could ever want and I don't want anything to make me let go of her again.  
  
I will not make that mistake again.  
  
I find myself pressed against a wall, with Buffy leaning against me, her small form cuddled into me.  
  
She makes me so happy.  
  
NO she doesn't I take that back. I am not happy. I am not happy one bit. There is NO true happiness here. All we have is guilt and moodiness. NO HAPPINESS.  
  
Well that was a close moment.  
  
I pause from the kisses and I feel her hot breath against my skin.  
  
"Don't tell me." She takes a step back and avoids eye contact. "Stupid curse."  
  
I hang my head low and then without warning turn and kick the wall, causing dust to fill the room as pieces of concrete fall away.  
  
Soft hands touch my back and a light feather kiss is placed between my shoulder blades, instantly sending a strange calm through my body.  
  
"Angel." Her voice whispers in my ear. "It's ok."  
  
"But it's not OK, Buffy. I still have this curse."  
  
"We'll deal with that Angel."  
  
"But we can't."  
  
"Well then if we can't we'll work around it."  
  
"Bu - " I'm interrupted by a flurry of noise upstairs and the door swings open.  
  
"Angel!" Wesley appears in the doorway.  
  
"Wes?"  
  
"Look out the window."  
  
"Uh No. It's two in the afternoon, are you crazy?" I think this man has been drinking way to much tea today.  
  
"Trust me Angel."  
  
And so I did. I ascended the stair and approached the nearest window, preparing myself to leap back once the material falls away and the sun's rays are cast into the dark room.  
  
But no sunlight falls into the room, no daylight at all passes through the transparent glass. Just pure darkness seeps into the room and glides across the tiles. What happened to the life giving sun? Why is there darkness?  
  
"Shit."  
  
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